Not a Grooming Report November 3, 2020
Not a Grooming Report November 3, 2020
So we had rather a dust up at the Guild Hall over the weekend. The chin pullers were weighing in on the last report. Let us ignore for a minute Joe’s dig on my admission of stemming on the icy downhill. He said, “A younger Sondo would have lied.”. No, I am referring to the more philosophical comment regarding the lack of recommendations. The missive went into some detail on the icy choppy surface followed by prose on the wonderful sections of double polling. The report closed with the obligatory, “See you out there.” Writing can be used to inform, persuade, confuse or fill space. Contrary to popular opinion, our goal is not to (just) fill space.
I am reminded of the great grooming report writer Alan Greenspan. For two decades his reports to the Federal Reserve were legendary. Page after page of words that seemed to belong next to each other. By the end of the paragraph you were left wondering what it actually said. Pundits would weigh in saying one thing or another as if they could actually read the tea leaves. The prize would be to accurately predict what the Fed would do with the money supply. Greenspan’s goal was to keep them guessing while at the same time make it look like he was providing actual information. He would often read long sections to the assembled throngs of economists eager to hear from Yoda. After one particularly opaque diatribe he summarized, “Now, if anyone thinks they understand what I have just said they clearly misunderstood me.”. He actually got paid for doing that. He is my hero.
Other writing styles are designed to bolster a conclusion. For example, in the ‘60s we would watch American Band Stand in rapt attention as pundits would opine on the latest dance music. After going into arcane ramblings the sage would give it a numerical score; something like, “I would dance to it, I give it an 87 (or 92, or whatever such nonsense)”. When you know there is an answer key in the back you just skip the blather; right?
No, we at Grooming Report Writing Headquarters are focused on providing the best information possible. We trust you can sift through the chaff and pull out the kernel of truth as you see fit. I never like to suggest a given item in a restaurant. So too for movies. How are we to know what you will “like”. One can be told something is swimming in butter and lots of garlic. A movie can be lots of car races and fist fights or two hours of a conversation about navel gazing. Then you can decide. Surfing may be cold and wind blown but that one ride can make it all worthwhile.
So, while I apologize for making you wade through drivel, don’t skip to the end. I think everyone knows how Tolstoy’s classic ends but it is still one of man’s greatest literary achievements. Spoiler alert; Napoleon loses.
See you out there.
PS: Good cover but the loose new snow covers bare spots. I am getting on the fat bike again today.
Sondo